Tag Archives: 2012

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A Day on the Golf Course

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My mother has a rather strange aversion. It’s not a stereotypical one, like fearing rodents, or freaking out over spiders, but one that filled her with dread for more than a decade: She cannot enter the women’s locker room at her old golf club.

There was something in the room that made her feel unwelcome. The vibe, the energy in the women’s locker room was bad. She described feelings of claustrophobia, being weighted down, laboured breathing and of not feeling right. It wasn’t felt in the other areas of the clubhouse she frequented, like the restaurant or the pro-shop. Just the locker room.

Mum mentioned this aversion to us casually, as casually as she would that mention that mangoes are on sale at the green grocers around the corner. We were headed toward the club in question to play a round with my Dad. She wouldn’t be joining us. She entered the club’s unassuming driveway in the heart of an industrial area in Sydney. Pausing long enough to allow us to exit the car, she wished us well and left to spend the afternoon elsewhere – free from the grip of the locker room.

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It was a warm, sunny Thursday afternoon at the course. The Lady Members were enjoying their AGM luncheon in the dining room. A bloke with a prosthetic leg was practicing on the putting green. Cessnas were circling overhead in an endless cycle of touch-and-goes. It was rarity to meet up with my Dad during business hours for a sneaky round of golf. In fact, we couldn’t remember the last time he’d played hooky from his own business. It was rather thrilling for all of us.

Dad had already stocked up on water, counted his golf balls and grabbed a bucket of sand to repair divots. So as soon as we arrived, he marched to the first tee before we’d even warmed up. ‘No mucking around’, his demeanour said. Right on, Dad. We kicked off the adventure with reasonable drives down the first fairway and set off on the afternoon’s seven kilometre walk.

The first few holes had their ups and down – some great saves from green side bunkers, and some cold putting – and it was great to have him guide us around his home course. I took a mental (and photographic) note of all the physical aspects being back home afforded me. The feel of the bark on a paperbark tree, the sun burning my skin, the orange glow of the dirt tracks, the whoosh of a squawking cockatoo flying past me, the expansiveness of the blue Australian sky. I filed them away in my memory bank to be accessed in times of homesickness. I breathed deeply, trying to commit the feel and smell of the Sydney air to memory.

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We had felt the change blow in on the ninth teebox. The smell on the wind indicated rain. I thought it looked a good ways off, until the heavens opened when half way through the 12th hole. Unlike those in the Bay Area, storms in Sydney usually have plenty of lightning. And this one was a cracker! The storm front brought an incredible number of lightning strikes with it, and I did what I’d learned as a kid: I counted the seconds from the flash until the sound of the thunder to gage the distance of the lightning.

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All I could envision was two of my favourite people in the world ending up as human Van de Graaf generators. I can’t lie – I was really worried. After we putted out, I voiced my concern and we paused a few minutes to see if the front would pass quickly. We stood at the 13th tee, and Dad regaled the times he (re)married Mum in the club’s yearly Gretna Green tournament. Stories of club presidents acting as ministers, ‘marrying’ the playing partners in celebration of the town of Gretna Green in Scotland being the capital of young English couples eloping in ye olde times.

Okay, let’s go,” Dad said. He was not prepared to let pouring rain and sheet lightning ruin his surreptitious round. A true Australian male, he was not phased in the slightest. We soldiered on.

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Down the line, the storm lifted. No one else was out on the course. It was just the three of us, and the ducks. Dad stopped to check in with work. The American went in search of his ball that had rolled off the back of the green. I watched rays of sunshine peek through the clouds. We were all doing our own thing, but it was just one of those moments that takes your breath away. I whipped out my iPhone, hoping that fleeting beauty could be captured forever.

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The rain stuck around for the rest of the afternoon, like an afterthought. It didn’t fade our hot streaks on the 18th, holing in for birdies and pars for pleasure of the one-legged gallery. We wandered into the clubhouse to finalize the afternoon. Dad treated us: a Coke Zero for the American, a lemon squash for me. The ice bobbed around the glass, and I took big gulps, thirsty for this moment of nostalgia.

We loaded our gear into the car, and Dad proudly showed us how his new golf buggy collapsed into next to nothing.

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Sunrises that take your breath away.

Living it up in the Lake Conjola Sunshine

Welcome to Lake Conjola!

Welcome to Lake Conjola, where the lake meets the ocean.

Three hours south of Sydney is a little slice of heaven called Lake Conjola. Small communities dot the lake, some with names that evoke the holiday spirit, like Manyana and Fisherman’s Paradise.

My family’s holiday house is in one of these small lakeside communities with large gum trees rising all around. The house is in a sleepy little street, set just back from the lake. Lining the driveway is a large creeping Jasmine, its sweet perfume wafts into the house with the wind. The wide porch wraps around much of the house, dotted with a handful of lounges, a barbecue and a dining table for six.

Gratuitous puppy photo: Neo came with us!

Gratuitous puppy photo: Neo came with us!

It’s a comfortable house, a big upgrade from the caravan we used to own in a van park a few minutes away. Dad’s boat sits in the driveway, covered, hoping this weekend will see some aquatic action. Downstairs, is the garage. But now it’s more of a games room with darts, table tennis, a whiteboard to keep score, a bar fridge, couches and a big screen TV for the big sporting fixtures. Upstairs, the open plan kitchen/living room/dining room is the focal point of the house.

Sunrises that take your breath away.

Sunrises that take your breath away.

We arrived shortly after midday, and took our first deep breaths of fresh Conjola air. However, inside the house it was not so inviting. We opened the door to discover the unmistakable odour of rotting food. In the three weeks since my parents had been down there, a fuse had blown, leaving the house without electricity. Everything that was in the fridge and freezer had been rotting under a corrugated iron roof in the hot, Australian sun. It was all hands on deck to remove the offending food, Dad dry retching as he pulled the putrid fish bait and meat from the fridge. An hour later, we were lounging on the deck. It felt as though we’d been there for days.

Days in Lake Conjola are usually spent reading, snoozing, taking the dog for a walk, waterskiing/wakeboarding, playing golf, fishing, going to the beach and enjoying a chat over one of Mum’s plates of nibblies. There’s plenty to do in the area, but the wonderful thing is that nothing is required of you. There’s a real emphasis on holiday down at Lake Conjola.

Enjoying the lake in different ways.

Enjoying the lake in different ways.

The Lake Conjola Bowling Club (or ‘the Conjola Bowlo’ as it’s affectionately known to the locals) is the heart of the community. It’s the only thing in Lake Conjola, aside from a few take away shops and a combination corner store/bait shop. Like many bowling or RSL clubs around the country, this is where the town gathers.

It had changed slightly since I’d last been there. The club benefitted from new carpeting that looked as though it came to the South Coast direct from Vegas. The bistro has upgraded from the standard ‘pub grub’ fare of chicken schnitzels, steak and chips. Our friend, Johnno, says they now do a pretty mean pizza.

The new and improved bistro.

The new and improved bistro.

One of the two pool tables has been replaced with a mini-TAB, the walls lined with the form guides, the TVs above displaying the current odds and the live races around the nation. Sliding doors along one side of the building open up to the two manicured bowling greens. The family-friendly area is shaded by a decorative bamboo screen from the two dozen poker machines and the TV displaying the winning Keno numbers. The Conjola Bowlo also have teams that compete in lawn bowls, in fishing tournaments, and in darts competitions. Prize winning catches have been mounted on the wall near the TAB, the victor’s name inscribed in on a brass plate for posterity.

Friday is the new Saturday at the Conjola Bowlo

Each Friday at 1pm, Bingo takes over the majority of the seats. A card costs $5, an ink dabber $2. Games continue almost non-stop for over four hours with the numbers read at a fair clip. The average age is about 75, and many of these old codgers play four cards at once. I struggle to keep up with one. Bingo takes you through until 5:30 or so, enough leaving time to collect your winnings (if you were one of the lucky ones), and order your meal.

The Conjola Bowlo.

The Conjola Bowlo: your friendly local bowlo.

The evening’s double-header brings regulars and tourists alike to the air-conditioned club. First up, the 7pm Members Badge Draw. When Mr Whatsamecallit was not on hand that night to claim the $400 prize within sixty seconds, attention soon turned to the main attraction: the Meat Raffle.

The Meat Raffle is an institution in clubs nationwide, and one of my favourite traditions (even though I’m vegetarian). On offer for winning tickets were about ten packs of meat: sausages, steak, lamb chops and chunks of pork, all fresh from the abattoir on the aptly named Slaughterhouse Road. Club patrons took a good sticky beak at the slabs of dead animal on refrigerated display at the entry to the main club room before they purchased their tickets.

Prizes for the winners of the me.t raffle!

Prizes for the winners of the meat raffle!

The raffle numbers were being drawn much more slowly than in bingo, so I showed Mum the rock my friend C had bought me on our recent trip to Half Moon Bay. Mum pulled out her turquoise talisman, and in the middle of regaling how Dad had purchased it for her on a recent trip, her number flashed up on the screen. All her Christmases had come at once! She was the proud winner of one of those chunks of pork. Winning a meat tray is a real thrill.

We spent the next day out on the lake. Recently, Dad had adapted his old golf buggy to act as a dolly for the fibreglass behemoth of a canoe we own, and seemed pretty chuffed about the outcome. And it worked really well! Here’s a little film the American and I made about the adventure:

I get a real kick out of introducing him to more of the ‘real Australia’ each time we fly home for a visit.