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Post #19: Acknowledging

Welcome to the nineteenth post of the Great Writing Challenge of 2012.
Five days a week for six months, I will be given a topic to write about. The stipulation: it must be 250 words (or more), and positive in tone.
If you would like to suggest topics for me to write about, please email me at TheRebeccaProject [at] gmail [dot] com.

Post #19: Acknowledging

I had to take a couple of days off last week, which has thrown me a little behind my intended schedule. But that’s life, and I’m sure you understand.

Today I saw something that sparked my interest. It was a TED talk about vulnerability by researcher Dr Brene Brown.

She believes the human response to vulnerability is to make the uncertain certain. I build walls of my thoughts and beliefs, and these walls become fact. Suddenly, I’m 30 and lost in a maze of my own making.

One of the many walls I have constructed, is the one about children. For years, I have been rather vocal in my opposition of them existing entirely and of ever having any myself. Recently, I’ve found my attitudes toward them altering, but I built the wall years ago: REBECCA HATES KIDS. I have said it so definitively. I made the uncertain certain.

I am now in a place where having babies is acceptable, and I have to admit to thinking more about the choice as a conscious one. Yet I have already constructed a wall that does not allow flexibility for my evolving thoughts, feelings, and life situation. And consequently, I have denied myself the opportunity to evolve as a person. That makes me a hypocrite.  I said “never ever” and here I am, entertaining the idea of having babies. Humility is all I have to offer: I was wrong.

I have done this about so many things. I have to let go of them, unsaddle myself, and give myself permission to evolve. I will acknowledge that I am imperfect, and that I have the option to change my mind accordingly.

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